the song by avril lavigne just suddenly came to my mind :P
i just read my sisters blog! it was her birthday on the 11th, and from whats on her blog, i can feel that she was really happy that day.
and that alone made me feel good :) feeling happy now! hahah, kinda weird right? but now i finally get the meaning of "feeling happy because your loved ones feels happy"!
ahh, the truth of life!
and i can't believe that im actually not tired now! i slept at almost 5 yesterday, woke up at 10, worked from 12 to 6, dinner and then laundry from 10-12, then the cover letter for morgan stanley..
hmm, no wonder im not feeling tired! cos i didnt really study today omg!! NOOOOOO!!!!! :(
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i've been meaning to blog this some time ago- it has always been on my mind.. sometimes, i feel as tho i am in THE rat race my whole life.. like everything i do, its always for the future you know?getting good grades for upsr and pmr, thats fine.. of course you would want good results right? well, at least i do!
then comes spm and alevels, only that this time it isnt only for my own satisfaction. i actually NEED the results so that i can enter some good uni so that i'll have a better career prospects..
right.. so okay, here i am at lse. the place ive always wanted to go.. uni life should be stress free yeah?
but noooo, now, as first years, we need to be active in societies, get good grades AND secure spring (then summer) internships to improve chances of being employed by the big firms in london..
and i have a feeling that IF i ever get employed, the only next thing to do is to climb the corporate ladder, which leads to earning more money, getting a promotion etc..
do you see the pointlessness??
maybe i just expect a lot from myself. i refuse to accept anything less.
as a good friend pointed out, i always seem to feel unsatisfied with myself, or the things i have. take the job at starbucks for example. before getting the job, i was like i WANT it i dont care!! then after getting it, i kept thinking of the negative side of working part time ie not enough time for studies/socialize etc.
...
...
okay, ive confused myself now. haha!
and another thing i would like to point out- why is it that we only learn to appreciate our family when we grow up (for me its after sec3) ? so my parents and sis got my respect, love and appreciation for like 3 years, and then off i go to london.. if all goes well, i plan to work in london for a few year, and i believe then i would be darn busy with my career and everything.
sounds good right? but its not! cos i wont be seeing my family often if im gonna work here...
i cant be a filial daughter and talk and accompany my parents everyday.. i cant get to know my sister more cos by then we'll both have stayed apart for a long time.. i cant see my aunties, relatives and friends who mean hell lot to me..
i guess the main thing im worried about is, what if something happens??
i want to spend quality time with my family, esp my parents when they're still strong and healthy.. i want to see my sister grow up to become someone i'll be proud of.. i want to have fun with my aunties and uncles.. i want to be part of my friends joy/sadness..
what if, after all these years, i come back... to nothing?
which brings us back to my point.. why bother studying overseas/being in the rat race then, if you cant enjoy things which matters the most to you?
things to ponder on...
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xoxo, yvonne.
